As he walked onto the forested lane, now a bronze carpet of oak and ash leaves, he fancied he heard whispers, very faint, barely audible, borne on the wind.

My imagination is playing tricks, as usual, he mused.

“No it isn’t!” came the startling reply.

“Who, what the ...”

“I am lost, marooned here through a terrible accident!  I need your help.  In return, I will give you the key to your heart’s desire. The technology of my world has developed along very different lines from that of your depressing planet. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

“Wait a minute! Who are you?!  What are you?!  Am I losing my mind at last? Is this what it’s like? Oh, no! Got to get a grip ...”

Can’t you see me? I’m right here on your index finger.  Left hand.” 

“Now I know I’m going bonkers.  Must be the cream of mushroom soup.  I should have listened to Jack: ‘Never eat mushrooms that you pick yourself.’”

“Wow, are you earthlings ever stupid! Jack was right. You’d never be able to see or ‘hear’ me if it wasn’t for those mushrooms. Nevertheless, I am real. We’re communicating telepathically. Did you stop to wonder why I seem to be speaking colloquial English?  Of course not!”

“Look pal, I just don’t need any more of your alien lip!  If you even have lips ... I mean, what am I saying?!  I’m really babbling to a hallucination on my index finger! Talk about multiple personalities! I’m really fried!”

“I won’t argue with that assessment.  Listen.  Do me a favor. Consider the possibility that I am real. Just as an exercise. Now, I’m likely to possess that superior technology I was talking about, right?”

“Uh ... I guess so ...”

“And, I might add, I probably have some nasty ray-gun kind of a thing-a-ma-jig pointed at you right now, ready to liquefy you into an ugly stain on the sidewalk. Have I got your attention?”

“I’m listening, you alien asshole.”

“Rather free with the expletives, aren’t we? But I’ll let it pass – we extraterrestrials don’t excrete waste. We get our energy the efficient way, directly from the sun.  No muss, no fuss. Anyway, as I was saying before, I need your help. And I’m willing to offer you something in return. Why don’t you humor me for awhile, and figure that even if I’m not real, you’ll be a lot happier in the short run if you just go with the flow for a bit and act on the assumption, suspended disbelief, or whatever, that I actually exist and am talking to you right now.  What have you got to lose? No one else is around to see you make a fool out of yourself. Well ...?” 

“OK. You’ve convinced me ... or I’ve convinced myself ... no matter.  What is it that you need from me?”

“First, I need you to take me to the spot where you picked those shrooms.”

“Fine.  I suppose you diminutive aliens transport yourselves through the galaxy by ingesting psychedelic compounds.”

“Actually, we do. But because the mushrooms on your planet are so weak compared to practically all the plantforms in our home star system, it’s going to take quite a few of them for me to travel far enough to find a navigational node in the matrix.”

“Uh, huh ... mind if I ask you one question?”

“Sure. Go ahead.”

“Meaning no ill respect, that is, if you are real and all ... well, the fact of the matter is that you appear much too small to eat even one mushroom, let alone many.”

“Good point, Einstein. Did I say anywhere that I was going to eat them?”

“Now, wait a minute! If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking ... but that doesn’t make any sense, either.  If I eat them, how does that help you travel through the galaxy?”

“You haven’t figured it out yet, that much is obvious. Let me spell it out for you. You are coming with me.  I have the knowledge and skills to bring you along.  That technology you want – and much more than you can possibly imagine – do you think I carry all that around in my diminutive hip pocket?  You’re going to love it on Boragna-3 ...”

“No way! You’re trying to trick me! Or I’m having a bad trip!”

“Look at it this way: if you’re having a bad trip, nothing is real, so it doesn’t matter whether you accompany me or not.  If, on the other hand, I’m real and everything I’ve said is true, then you’re having a real trip.  Just think of all the wealth and power when you get back.  All because you ate a few mushrooms and trusted a little alien on your index finger.”

“Hey, makes sense to me.  What the hell.  Let’s go find us some shrooms ...”